


Stay

by fulltimeintrnthomo



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2012, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Nicknames, Post-Break Up, Sad with a Happy Ending, Skype, Songfic, Suicide Attempt Mention, am i crazy or was there, based on Stay by Miley Cyrus, i swear to god there was this theory, that dan moved out for a few days during 2012, valentines day video, well anyway this is based on that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-30
Updated: 2017-11-30
Packaged: 2019-02-08 16:37:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12868641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fulltimeintrnthomo/pseuds/fulltimeintrnthomo
Summary: Dan was sorry for The Fight. The Fight was his fault. Sure, he wasn't ready to be out on the internet yet, but he was the one who blew up at Phil for The Video getting released--something that wasn't even Phil's fault.





	Stay

_Well, it's good to hear your voice_  
_I hope you're doing fine_  
_And if you ever wonder,_  
_I'm lonely here at night_

A few days after Dan moved out, Phil had posted a video. Dan watched it and realized just how lonely he was alone. He hoped Phil was doing okay. He hoped Phil wasn't feeling too lonely. Because the loneliness _hurt_. Dan knew he was the one who burned those bridges, but he still hoped Phil was doing okay after The Fight.

Dan couldn't survive on his own--well, with his parents. He kept going to bed at 4 AM and not getting a good night's sleep. He kept wanting to Skype Phil. He missed Phil a lot.

 _I'm lost here in this moment and time keeps slipping by_  
_And if I could have just one wish_  
_I'd have you by my side_

Phil felt like his time was slipping away. He wanted to--no. He needed to talk to Dan, let him know that he wasn't angry. He wanted Dan by his side one last time, for one more second, because that second would be worth it.

He remembered feeling this way back in 2009 when Dan left his house. But then he could just Skype. Now he couldn't. He made a mistake even putting The Video on private on his channel. He should've just sent it to Dan. He missed Dan a lot.

 _Oh, oh I miss you_  
_Oh, oh I need you_

Dan really really missed Phil. He had always thought that Phil was his endgame. Since he was sixteen, it had always been Phil. Before meeting him, Dan watched his videos over and over again, wishing Phil was being flirty with him and him alone.

But now he messed up. He messed up really badly. He blew up at Phil over The Video. He was out of line; what would be the worst that would happen? People think Dan's gay? Half the phandom thought that already. He _needed_ Phil.

 _And I love you more than I did before_  
_And if today I don't see your face_  
_Nothing's changed, no one can take your place_  
_It gets harder everyday_

Absence makes the heart grow fonder. It was cliché, but Phil found it to be true. Being away from Dan made him want him more. He needed to make sure Dan was okay. He wrote out a text. _Hey, you okay?_ and sent it.

Dan quickly replied, _yeah im fine why_. Phil let out a sigh of relief. Dan was okay. He was back with his parents, but he was okay.

Phil hadn't dated anyone since The Fight three months before. He knew he should move on, but he just couldn't bear it. No one could take Dan's place in his heart.

 _Say you love me more than you did before_  
_And I'm sorry it's this way_  
_But I'm coming home, I'll be coming home_  
_And if you ask me I will stay, I will stay_

Dan called Phil on Skype a day later. Phil immediately picked up. "I'm sorry," they both said at the same time. They would laugh, but it was a serious thing.

Dan was confused. "Why are you sorry? You have no reason to be. I'm the one who blew up at you."

Phil sighed. "It was a bad idea to even put The Video on private. I'm so sorry, Dan, you have no idea." He started to cry.

"No, Philly, don't cry. YouTube fucked up. Don't be sorry for that. I'm sorry for yelling at you. I'm sorry for going all No Homo Howell. I'm sorry for this whole _year_ , Phil."

"Will you come home?" Phil asked quietly, just loud enough that Dan could hear.

Dan nodded. "Yeah. If you want me to, I will."

 _Well, I try to live without you_  
_The tears fall from my eyes_  
_I'm alone and I feel empty_  
_God, I'm torn apart inside_

"Dan, I tried living without you and I couldn't. It's not just me being clumsy, it's that I cry myself to sleep most nights because you're not there, sleeping next to me."

Dan nodded. "I get that. I really do. I feel empty without you. You've been a part of my life for three years, and we've lived together for two of those three. I miss you so fucking much and it's my fault. I'm the one who screamed at you for something that wasn't even your fault." Phil saw Dan let out a tear.

 _I look up at the stars_  
_Hoping you're doing the same_  
_And somehow I feel closer and I can hear you say_

Dan had tried to feel close to Phil in any way possible. He would go outside at night and look at the stars. The night he was Skyping Phil, he took his phone outside and stargazed, laying his phone next to him on the grass. He hoped Phil was looking at his phone.

 _Oh, oh I miss you_  
_Oh, oh I need you_

He heard Phil say, "I miss you so much. I need you. I love you. Please come back. I forgive you."

Dan smiled. "I will, I will. At a more reasonable time."

 _I love you more than I did before_  
_And if today I don't see your face_  
_Nothing's changed, no one can take your place_  
_It gets harder everyday_

Phil beamed. "Thank you so much. I love you so much. I was starting to lose hope that we'd ever be together again. I know it's been three months and I should've moved on by now--you're probably dating someone else anyway--but I haven't. No one can take the place of my Bear."

Dan smiled at Phil's use of his nickname. "Neither have I, Lion. There's been no one else."

 _Say you love me more than you did before_  
_And I'm sorry that it's this way_  
_But I'm coming home, I'll be coming home_  
_And if you ask me I will stay, I will stay_  
_Always stay_

Phil felt a smile on his lips. "I love you so much, Dan."

Dan frowned. "Phil, I'm so fucking sorry, you have no idea. I'm so lucky that you're so forgiving--I don't forgive myself for what I've done."

"Dan. I forgive you. I've said it before. Now go. Pack. Come back here. Come back home," Phil replied.

"Okay, okay. I love you and I'll see you soon," Dan said.

Phil had an idea that would probably make Dan laugh. He did his signature goodbye, and he heard Dan laugh and start calling him a spork. He smiled.

 _I never wanna lose you_  
_And if I had to I would choose you_  
_So stay, please always stay_  
_You're the one that I hold onto_  
_'Cause my heart would stop without you_

Dan never wanted to lose Phil. It's always been Phil. He's never seriously dated anyone else. He didn't want to move out, but he felt like he had to--to give Phil space.

Dan remembered a time, back in 2010, just before he moved in with Phil when he had felt so hopeless. After his first month at university, he had tried to kill himself. He had felt like nothing would get better for him. Thankfully, Phil had Skyped him and he was reminded how lucky he was to be in a relationship with his favorite YouTuber.

He was feeling hopeless the night of The Fight. He felt like his family wouldn't accept him if they knew he was dating Phil. So he broke up with him, and moved back in with his parents.

 _I love you more than I did before_  
_And if today I don't see your face_  
_Nothing's changed, no one can take your place_  
_It gets harder everyday_

Phil loved Dan more than he did before. He always wanted to see him, and he still felt like The Fight was his fault. He was the one who put The Video on YouTube in the first place. He was the one who had fucked up their relationship by doing that. Goddammit, he knew Dan wasn't ready to be out on the internet yet. He _knew_ that with his luck this would happen.

Not seeing Dan got harder for him every day. He was overjoyed Dan was moving back in with him.

 _Say you love me more than you did before_  
_And I'm sorry that it's this way_  
_But I'm coming home, I'll be coming home_  
_And if you ask me I will stay, I will stay_  
_I'll always stay_

Dan was sorry for The Fight. The Fight was his fault. Sure, he wasn't ready to be out on the internet yet, but _he_ was the one who blew up at Phil for The Video getting released--something that wasn't even Phil's fault.

Despite this, he was coming home. He quickly packed and went to bed because he wanted to be up so he could get home by noon.

 _And I love you more than I did before_  
_And I'm sorry that it's this way_  
_But I'm coming home, I'll be coming home_  
_And if you ask I will stay, I will stay_  
_I will stay_

At noon the next day, Phil woke up to hear the doorbell ringing. He begrudgingly got out of bed, thinking it was the post.

He was surprised when he opened the door to find Dan. He engulfed Dan in a hug. "I missed you so much."

"Me too," Dan said. "I love you so much, my Lion."

"I love you too, my Bear."


End file.
